Dear White People, I feel you.

Throughout the election, I heard a lot about how there are many White people in the US who have been feeling angry, sad and most importantly, afraid. They are worried about their changing reality and are having a hard time adjusting to change. Their vocal concerns are usually in the context of trying to explain their sense of victimhood, in an effort justify their support for a nativist populist authoritarian like Donald Trump. I recently started listening to podcasts like “The United States of Anxiety,” which have been investigating this phenomenon, and I was truly astonished. I had no idea that things had become so bad for the White middle working class of America.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been too surprised. After all, for the past decade I have also been an occasional listener of right-wing talk radio and networks like Fox. But what struck me during this election cycle was how much I could relate to the plight of these "disenfranchised" White people. They spoke out about being excluded by the mainstream media. They were obsessed by conspiracy theories and they distrusted the system. They talked nostalgically about the old times and how one day it will all be restored to its true glory. They spoke a language that resonated heavily with somebody like me, an Arab Muslim Palestinian-American.

I definitely related to it all. I know what it means to be somebody who is marginalized by the mainstream media as the bad guy. I was raised in a community obsessed with conspiracy ideas of why the West is in control. A community where we resented the system for being against us and of course, we longed for the old golden era where we historically reigned supreme. Oh, I also felt sad, angry and afraid on a regular basis. There was just so much in common. So much to which I can relate. Perhaps this was an opportunity to reach out and pat these White people on the back and let them know that I know how they feel. This could be an opportunity for community building and community networking. 

However, I realized these issues were becoming primary issues in the media mostly because White people were experiencing them. White people feelings became very important and needed to be attended to immediately. It seemed like when White people felt feelings, it became incumbent on all us to act immediately. We wouldn’t want them to exist in a state of discomfort for too long. After all, they are entitled for the best. By any means necessary.Even if it was at the expense of those less privileged. 

I have since read many more articles and listened to many more podcasts about this phenomenon exploring different sectors of this society. I learned about the context behind a xenophobic hysteria that is sweeping our nation. The story was usually discussed as if I’m supposed to just understand, to give them the benefit of the doubt. As if I must assume that angry White people are in actuality good well-meaning folk who are just a little caught up in a bit of an emotional time right now. As if this was supposed to justify the vile behavior that we’ve witnessed now and historically. As if the rest of us don’t have these feelings. As if there is nobody else. As if they are the only ones that matter. 

Trust me, White people, I am familiar with what it means to have these kinds of feelings. I know how it is to feel constantly dismayed by perceived injustice. I have felt sad, angry and fearful for as long as I remember in regards to issues that affect people who look, speak and worship like me in the world. Feeling excluded. Like I don’t have a place in society. Like I don’t matter. My issues were never addressed. My concerns were never important. You didn’t care to ask or learn. Instead, you spread misinformation about me and people who looked, spoke and worshipped like me. You put words in our mouths and didn't allow us to speak. You couldn’t even afford us the assumption of normal human feelings and normal human reactions. 

Instead, you just labeled us weird, violent, wrong, foreign, overreacting, intolerant, terrorist and anti-American. You told us to deal with it and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. And at the end of all this, when you felt just a tad of the same heat that we've experienced our whole lives, you still expect me to also carry your feelings for you? You expect me to appreciate your struggles? You expect me to enable you in yet another privileged act? 

You want me to excuse your racist, sexist, islamophobic, antisemitic, homophobic, xenophobic, hateful rhetoric in light of your feelings of discomfort and dismay. You want me to spend a day in your shoes to see things through your eyes. Little do you know, that I have been in your shoes and I have seen things through your eyes, my whole life. Your life has been the standard. Your world has been the normal and I was expected to follow along whether I wanted to or not. You have been afforded a lot of privilege. A lot of excuses. A lot of benefits. A lot of entitlements. During which I was expected to cater to your ignorance and explain things in calming neutral terms that you would understand, in terms that wouldn’t bother you too much. I don’t remember you lending me a similarly compassionate hand.

I spent a good amount of time shielding you from my feelings. I didn’t want you to get uncomfortable, even if in the off chance you were generally interested in people like me. I would have been labeled as a loudmouth Angry Arab. So I tried to keep a lid on it so you don’t get too scared of me. Don’t get me wrong, I would often slip during protests and engage in yelling matches during cultural events and intense debates. But for the most part, I held on to all those feelings in to the point that it would come out sideways, very often pushing me to self-deprecating self-destructive behavior. 

In most recent times, I have found healthier and more productive outlets to these feelings. However, the feelings are still there. Always. The same ones you’re raving about. Fear of change. Anger towards the system. Feelings like you don’t matter. That you're bad people. Feeling marginalized. That things are not the way they used to be. That your rights are being taken away from you. Oh, the irony.

The results of this election told me and people like me that all of the abhorrent behavior exhibited by your candidate, now our president, wasn't a dealbreaker for you. You were willing to throw me and people like me under the bus so that you can throw your tantrum,so that you can feel a little better, so that you could be awarded your entitlements. During this time, you did not behave like allies. You did not reach out. You did not stand up for the disenfranchised. You didn't stand up for your American ideals. My American ideals. Our American ideals. That hurt. A lot. This only fueled my own lifelong feelings of isolation, marginalization and loneliness. You voted thinking only about your own self interests and nobody else's. You didn't care to think about how it would affect people who were different than you. People who had less power and less privileged than you. 

Now we are entering an era of additional exclusion, demonization and oppression of people like me. We are now facing an administration of people who still cannot relate to us, who still do not listen to us, who still don't care about our concerns and who still are actively working to take our constitution-given rights away from us. Sound familiar?

But here’s the thing, I try really hard to not let my constant heavy feelings and worries push me to become a horrible offensive person. But when I do horrible offensive things that conflict with my ideals, I don’t use my feelings as an excuse, because it’s never a valid excuse. I try to acknowledge my behavior, try to accept responsibility for my actions and words and try my best to make amends. So this is my message for you:

From now on, don’t use your feelings as excuses. You are not entitled to always be comfortable and worry-free just because of who you are, where you live and how you make up things should be. Wake up to the realities of the world. This country is changing. It has been changing for a long time, no matter how much you try to resist it. Nobody owes you anything based on privilege. If you have don't like it, suck it up. Be a decent kind adult. Be a decent kind citizen. Be a decent kind human being. And know that I will cater to your feelings no more.

At the same time, even with all these objections, I paradoxically still value networking and bridging between communities because I know how it feels to hurt like this. Minority communities need allies from the dominant communities to overcome systemic oppression. Please know that to your feelings are real. Your feelings are valid, they are human.  But they cannot be used them to justify deplorable acts with expectation to be excused for it. I’ve been excusing your actions for way too long. You don’t get a pass from me anymore. 

Now it's your turn to join us in living the American dream. I want to remind you about the importance of pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. In the meantime, please know that people like me will be going through challenging times. Don't worry about us, there's nothing new about this. At this point, we've gotten quite used it. Come and check in us sometime. You might learn a thing or two about feeling feelings.

The Token Arab is a personal blog run by a Palestinian American het cis man from Arizona. 

Image Citation: "Norman Rockwell (1894-1978), Freedom from Want, 1943. Oil on canvas, 45 ¾" x 35 ½". Story illustration for The Saturday Evening Post, March 6, 1943. Norman Rockwell Museum Collections. ©SEPS: Curtis Publishing, Indianapolis, IN." Source: http://www.biography.com/news/norman-rockwell-art-facts